


New Beginnings

by woodrosegirl



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Crossover, F/M, Sex, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-05-25 10:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14974928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodrosegirl/pseuds/woodrosegirl
Summary: It starts as a phone call to check up on Archer, and thus begins a relationship, one step at a time.





	1. Chapter 1

Title: New Beginnings 1/?  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Derek/Addison  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Summary: It starts as a phone call to check on Archer, and thus begins a friendship, one phone call at a time.

You're probably not supposed to be friends with your ex wife he thinks as his fingers hesitate on the keys. This is different though, he tells himself. It's Addison and Derek. Plus, this is just a call to check that Archer's okay. No reason to feel guilty, he thinks. He feels a slight twinge of nerves as his fingers dial the number he knows so well. He clears his throat as he nervously awaits her to pick up.

"Hello Addison Montgomery"  
"Hey, its me"  
"Hey Derek"  
He automatically hears the change in her voice when she realises its him.  
"How's Seattle?"  
"Same as ever, rainy"  
She laughs.  
"It's not raining here"  
"Well I didn't call to talk about the weather, I called about Archer"  
"Did you find something else?"

He detects the note of concern in her voice and quickly dismisses it.

"No, nothing like that, I just wanted to make sure that he was okay, following everything that went on"  
"Well, he's back to being Archer, if that's what you mean, every last cheating piece of him"  
"So he's back to his usual ways, no sign of anything untoward?"  
"You could say that"

He chuckles softly, knowing what she means by 'Archer's usual ways'

"What's he done this time?"  
"I caught him kissing another girl, in my house, while Naomi was outside"  
Derek inwardly cringes at her words.  
"Ouch, does she know?"  
"No, and that's not the worst of it, I also caught him post sex"  
"With the same girl?"  
"No, a different one, Charlotte King, she's his boss"  
"And you haven't told Naomi yet?"  
"It's not as simple as that"

She pauses to pour herself a glass of wine.

"Addie, she's your best friend"  
"Yes, but he's my brother"  
"Your brother, who knows exactly what he's doing, and you're letting him get away with it"  
"I'm not!"  
She exhales, knowing that he's right.  
"I'm not advocating what he's doing but tonight we all had a celebratory dinner for him, so I couldn't tell her then"  
"You're making excuses"  
"I'm not, and I have had him about it"  
"What did he say?"  
"He said" she pauses, knowing that this will no doubt bring up her cheating."He said Montgomery's look the other way"  
"I think he's forgetting all those years you spent as a Shepherd"  
She laughs, thankful that he didn't bring up Mark.  
"Eleven years as a Montgomery Shepherd"  
"Still a Shepherd" he counteracts.

She knows he's right. She has to tell Naomi, her loyalty to her brother can only go so far. Plus, what she said to him in the office was true. She spent years covering for her father, and she's not going to do the same for Archer.

"Addie, are you still there?"  
After everything, she's surprised he stills calls her by the nickname he gave her all those years ago.  
"Yes, sorry I was just thinking about the situation"  
"Well I think you need to tell Naomi"  
"You're right"  
She sighs, knowing to well that this is going to end in tears.  
"Do you think she'll be angry that I didn't tell her right away?"  
"I think she'll understand how much you love Archer, and you didn't make the decision lightly"  
"I hope so too"  
"Well, at least we've established that Archer has bounced back from his surgery"  
"Hmm...yes, straight back to his old self"

She laughs, as even though she hates him for screwing over her friend she's happy that he came through his illness unscathed.  
"Hey Derek"  
"Yeah"  
"Thanks for talking me through this"  
"Any time Addie"

As she she hangs up the phone she feels sure of her decision to tell Naomi, and even though she's divorced from Derek she feels confident that they can move forward, as friends.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: New Beginnings 2/?  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Derek/Addison  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Summary: Following another phone call from Addison, Derek makes a decision.

He's actually surprised to hear from her again. Not because they left the last call on a bad note, but because he presumed that by moving away and having a new life he wouldn't be a part of it. You're pleasantly surprised and pleased that you can have an amicable relationship with your ex-wife, though he hasn't got used to calling her that. Sometimes he catches himself before the words leave his mouth, but sometimes he doesn't and the words "No, she's my ex-wife" follow.

He misses her, not that he would ever admit it to Meredith, but he does. Since the phone call a few weeks ago about Archer he hasn't been able to stop thinking about her.  
The last phone call put everything into perspective.  
She's miles away, getting on with her new life but she still needs you, and you can't be there to comfort her when she needs it. She phones completely out of the blue tonight and in tears. She can't even say what's wrong at first, just shaky breaths and a confession that she's done something awful.

"What's going on Addison?"

He doesn't mean to sound curt but he can't help her if she doesn't tell him what's wrong. After a few more hiccupy breaths she's finally able to string the words together.

"I'm the other woman"  
It's barely a whisper but he can still hear her confession.  
"I've turned into the other woman"  
It's louder this time, more clear and he hears the words that he was dreading she said.  
"What do you mean the other woman?"  
"I've let myself fall for another woman's husband"

He doesn't know what to say to that. As much as he's here for her he's unsure whether he wants to hear the details of her love life. She continues before he gets a chance to say his thoughts.

"And it gets worse, the woman he's married to, is my patient"  
"Oh Addie" he sighs.  
"It didn't start out that way though"

He listens as she tells him the story of how they met, how they were attracted to each other without even knowing their names.

"He didn't tell me he was married"  
"and you didn't ask"  
"I didn't even ask him his name"

Derek inwardly sighs, knowing too well that Addison would be in pieces about this.

"How do you feel about him?"  
He asks, though he's sure of the answer.  
"I wouldn't feel this way if I felt nothing for him"

He pauses, unsure what to say next. That's when it hits him. That's why he feels uncomfortable about talking to her about her love life.  
He's jealous.  
He's jealous, even though he hasn't seen her in months and she's miles away. He's jealous, and he suddenly hates this guy who's turning Addison's life around.

"Derek? Are you still there?"  
"Yeah Addie of course I'm here"  
"Do you have any advice?" she says, breath still a bit shaky from crying.  
"Yes, stop seeing him"  
"What?"  
"Stop seeing him now Addison, before it leads you into real trouble"  
"I'm already in trouble"  
"Addison, please think about what you're doing"

As he speaks, a plan formulates in his head.

"Just…wait"  
"You're telling me to wait? For what?"  
"Because I'm telling you too"  
He knows that she'll listen to what he says, even though she doesn't want to hear it.  
"Okay" she says in a small voice. "I'll wait"

He doesn't mention that she'll be waiting for him, because he can't quite believe what he's going to do himself. She says goodbye and they hang up with Derek's mind going a mile a minute at the thought of seeing Addison again.

He has to go. He's already lost her once and he's not going to lose her again.  
He calls Richard and requests a few personal days off. He doesn't tell him why though, just in case he finds the whole scenario absurd and refuses to let him go.  
Phone call made he moves into the bedroom to start packing. Its crazy, a voice in his head says. Travelling through the night to see a woman whose head is full of someone else.

Crazy or romantic? He thinks.

He'll leave Meredith a note he decides, short and to the point.  
"Needed some time off, call you later"

As he finishes packing his bag he can't help but wonder what he expects to happen. If he could just see her, to tell her that she's wasting her time with this guy, that he misses her and he hates saying "my ex-wife". If he can just get to her and see her, who knows what might happen. And as he picks up his bag and leaves the trailer for the airport he can only wonder.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: New Beginnings 3/?  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Derek/Addison  
Disclaimer: Not mine.

The plane stalls on the runway as Derek sits, staring out of the window, one hand tapping absentmindly against a glass of scotch, the other playing idly with the collar of his shirt. He wishes that the plane would hurry and leave. The more he sits and waits, the more he has doubt that he's doing the right thing. Is it the right thing to do? Flying across the country to se his ex wife because he's jealous?

His head may be doubtful but his heart is full of hope.

Draining the last of his scotch he settles back into his seat preparing for the imminent take off. This is it, he thinks. No going back. Not that his heart would let him go back. His heart won't let go of Addison. He can't stand the waiting that it's going to take to get to her. The plane has only just left and already he finds himself checking his watch nervously, wishing it was already over so he can get to her. Finally, after a few more scotches and what seems like an eternity of hours he finds himself in Los Angeles.

He's never felt so elated or nervous in his whole life.

He hails a cab and gives Addison's address. Much like the plane ride the cab ride seems to take hours even though a quick glance at his watch confirms it's only half eleven. He nervously anticipates what Addison's reaction to him will be. She might get angry at his sudden arrival and throw him out, or it could be everything he hopes it will be. As the driver pulls up to Addison's he removes his bag and takes a deep breath before ringing the bell. There's no answer and he berets himself for not asking her if she was at work tonight. He rings again, heart in his mouth as he waits for a reply. He gets it on the second ring. She opens the door, slowly at first, glancing up to see who it is before her face falls with shock and she opens the door fully.

"Derek?" she says in disbelief. He takes all of her in, hair messy, wearing a pink shirt that allows him a view of her long legs.  
"Hey Addie  
Her mouth falls in disbelief.  
"Derek, what on earth are you doing here?"  
"I told you to wait"  
"Yes, you did but I didn't expect…" she trails off, lost for words.  
He steps forward, closing the gap between them.  
"I told you to wait, because I wanted you to wait for me"  
Gently, he moves his hand under her chin and tilts her head up to look at him.  
"You had better come in" she finally says. He picks up his bag and follows her into the living room. "Do you want a drink?" she says, somewhat distractedly "I've got some scotch…..somewhere"  
"Addison sit down"

She sits, looking awkward and nervous at what he's going to say.  
"Addison, since that phone call, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you"  
"Derek don't do this"  
"Why not Addie?"  
"Because we broke up!"  
"That was a mistake"

She stands up at his words and starts to pace around the living room.  
"No, Mark was a mistake, cheating was a mistake. I meant every word I said to you when I saw you. Getting over you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I'm still not completely over you and I possibly never will be. I'm not putting myself in a position to be hurt again. And what about Meredith?"  
"She's not you Addison" he says simply  
He stands up and takes hold of her hand.  
"She's not you" he repeats. "Since I saw you, and that phone call I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Hearing from you again made me realise how much I missed you"  
"Derek what are you saying?"  
"I'm saying that I miss you, I miss us. I miss Derek and Addison"  
She lets go of his hand and moves into the kitchen to pour herself a drink.  
"And you felt like just flying across the country to tell me this?"  
"I had to come; I couldn't let you make a mistake with that man"  
"His name is Noah" she adds before moving back into the living room to join him.  
"I don't care what his name is, I only care about losing you again"  
"But you cheated on me" she says.  
"And you cheated on me" He looks down. "I can understand your cheating; I was distant towards you and drove you away. I don't expect you to understand mine"  
"I forgive you for that"  
"And I forgive you, that's why I think we should give us another go. The first tie, in Seattle I cheated because I hadn't fully forgiven you. Now I have, and it's time for us to try again, if you're willing to, that is"

Addison's shocked at his words and sits, not knowing what to say. Finally she manages "Derek, I have a life here"  
"I know that, and I'm not asking you to move, I just want you to consider it"  
"Derek…..I can't" she steps up from her seat. "I can't decide on this right now"

She crosses the room and steps out onto the beach, leaving Derek alone in the living room.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: New Beginnings 4/?  
Rating: PG  
Author: woodrosegirl  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
Summary: Derek and Addison talk, and Addison makes a decision.

She runs out of the house, unable to hear anymore of what Derek has to say. She sits on the cold sand, mind whirling, hand tapping nervously against the cold, long stem of her wine glass. She doesn't know what to think about the unexpected scene that played out to her this evening. She'd thought about a possible reconciliation between the two of them, but she never thought it would actually happen.

Never in a million years.  
She thought that he was happy with Meredith. Apparently not. As much as she's never fallen out of love with Derek she doesn't know if she wants to get back together with him.  
He hurt her, and she hurt him.  
Too much hurt.  
She doesn't want to get hurt again.

The wind chills her as she continues to remain on the beach, not wanting to go back inside and face Derek. She doesn't hear the footsteps on the soft sand that signal his arrival, she only feels the sand shift beside her as he takes his place alongside her.

"You have a lovely view" he says, trying to make conversation. She doesn't reply so he tries again. "You always did like the beach"  
She breaks her silence. "Derek, what do you thinks going to happen here?"  
Now it's his turn to be silent.  
"We get back together, hurt Meredith and we'll be happy for what? A few months? Then you'll settle back into your old ways, you'll be distant, and I'll feel lonely. Then what? We break up, again and I'll end up getting hurt" She turns to face him. "Am I wrong?" He moves his hand over to hers and clasps it gently and she doesn't stop him.  
"Addison" he pauses and squeezes her hand. "I've changed since New York. I'm not that person anymore, and I don't intend to be that person ever again" She takes a long drink of her wine.  
"How can I believe that Derek? What happened in New York, and then Seattle was awful for me"

She starts to choke on her words as the tears threaten. He moves his second hand to her and wraps it round her shoulders as the tears fall. He pulls her close to him as she cries, the pain of the events from the past proving too much for her. "Ssssh Addie, its okay, its okay" he says as he softly rubs her back. She lets the tears fall, allowing her walls to crumble down in front of Derek.

It's not the first time she's cried like this over him. It's been difficult, trying to get over him during the past few months and a big part of her wants to believe that they can be Addison and Derek. However the cynical side of her has misgivings. Trusting Derek again, and in turn him being able to trust her would take a large part out of both of them. As the tears start to subside he continues to hold her until they stop completely.

"I'm sorry" she says quietly.  
"Addie you never have to apologise to me" he says and continues to hold her tightly.  
"You have to understand, and believe me Addie; I've changed since New York. I was lost when I was with Meredith. I thought that I loved her, but the only person I love is you Addison"  
She wriggles out of his grasp and turns to face him.  
"Derek are you sure? Are you sure you're not still in love with Meredith"  
"I was never in love with her" he says gently. "It's always been you Addison"

Hands still entwined he moves forward to move her shorter hair away from her face and behind her ears. Gently he places his hand under her chin and tilts her face upward towards him. He moves in to kiss her and she responds, cautiously at first but with similar urgency that he himself feels. Slowly he opens his mouth and lets his tongue glide to find hers. She allows him too and their tongues circle and entwine with each other. She lets him lead the kiss and when it reaches its natural end she opens her eyes slowly and holds his gaze.

"Don't tell me you haven't missed that" he whispers to her. Her response to him to him is to pull him close to her, feeling his warm arms encircle her.  
"I have missed that" she confesses. "And I have missed you"  
"We can be Derek and Addison again" he says "If you're willing to give us a new start?"  
She moves forward and kisses him softly.  
"I'm willing"

He smiles broadly at her words and moves in to kiss her again. His tongue finds hers as he moves in her mouth. The kiss is soft and they move into each other as if they haven't done so in tears. She places her wine glass onto the cool sand and moves her arms around his back. He begins to kiss her with more urgency as desire takes over his mind and body and he moves her down onto the sand. The kisses are now fuelled with a passion that she hasn't felt in months. He shifts himself so that he's above her and lightly pins her wrists down onto the sand. She breaks the kiss, breathing heavily.

"Not here Derek  
As he releases her wrists she notices that he's breathing just as heavily as she is.  
"Okay" he says and they stand up from the sand noticing the imprints that their bodies have left. As they brush the grains away from their clothes Derek takes Addison's hand and she leads him back into the house.


	5. Chapter 5

Rating: NC-17  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shonda's. (Unfortunately)  
Summary: Derek and Addison rekindle their relationship (in the bedroom)

As they enter the bedroom they sink into each other as if they haven't done so in years. Their kisses, so soft on the beach are now fuelled by passion and desire. Their tongues entwine with each other as Derek moves Addison down on the bed. They continue to kiss, lips never leaving the others as Derek moves his hands up to remove Addison's shirt. He runs his fingers through her hair, trying to memorise the way that every strand falls, trying to commit to memory the exact way that she moves, the way she feels. He didn't do that the last time. If he knew that would have been the last time they made love he would of committed everything to his memory. She moves over so that she's now on top of him and they continue to kiss with an urgency that neither of them have felt in months. As she moves on top of him she feels his erection straining against his jeans. She moves her lips down, kissing his neck, collarbone, and the top of his chest.

"Mmmmm that feels good" he whispers.  
"Take off your shirt" she whispers back.

He does as she asks and she moves down further, kissing his chest, tasting as much of him as she can. She loops her fingers in the waistband of his trousers and undoes his zipper with expert precision, her lips never leaving his skin. She pulls his trousers off, along with his pants, springing out his erection. She grinds her hips against his member, and they both moan with anticipation. His hands move up her body, feeling her curves, feeling her bottom, and her underwear, which he knows won't be staying on for long. As his hands travel the length of her body she trembles under his touch and he moves to unclasp her bra. His lips find her breasts immediately, and he takes a nipple into his mouth, causing a sharp intake of breath and a moan of his name. His mouth moves onto her other breast and he finds her nipple already erect. He licks and sucks on her nipple and the surrounding tissue, while his hands move downward to her panties. Wasting no time, his fingers deftly sweep them to one side, and he feels her wet and ready for him. His fingers gently graze her clitoris, eliciting a moan from Addison's lips. He tugs her underwear off with one hand, while the other goes to her breasts, squeezing and caressing them. His lips move to her thighs, and he plants butterfly kisses on them while she writhes underneath him. Without warning, he moves his tongue on her and she moans in pleasure. He laps at her, pushing his tongue all the way inside while his hands continue his ministrations at her breasts.

"Der-ek" she moans. "Don't stop"

He doesn't, and continues to move his tongue inside of her, making circles inside of her, pausing every so often to lick at her tender clitoris, which makes her shudder with pleasure. Her hands grip the bed sheets as she writhes, so close to the brink. He starts to move faster on her as she approaches orgasm, and suddenly all the arousal, and all the anticipation comes to a head as her walls clench around his tongue and she comes, panting his name. He plants kisses on her thighs as she comes down from her high, and she shudders at his light touch.

"I missed that" she says, once she's recovered.  
"I thought you might of" he says with a wicked grin.  
He places one last kiss on her trembling thighs before moving up the bed to lie next to her.  
"Have you missed this though?" she says with a devilish smile.  
"That depends on what….oh" his voice breaks as Addison moves down his body and places the whole length of him in her mouth.  
"On what you plan to do with me" he manages to say.  
Addison licks down the length of his cock before straddling him, and she moves his member to her hot core.  
"Oh" she breathes, as he fills her completely.  
"Oh Addison" he moans, as she starts to move on top on him.

She moves slowly at first, enjoying the feeling of being filled by him, but soon lust takes over and she moves faster on his member.  
"Oh Addie…..that feels so good"  
She nods her acquiescence, and continues to ride him. He snakes a hand between them and finds her clitoris wet to his touch. He rubs it gently to stimulate her further. She moans at the surprise and sudden pleasure that his touch gives. He starts to thrust up inside of her faster, and she matches his moves as she feels her orgasm approaching.  
"Oh Derek" she moans as she leans into him to find his lips.

He continues to thrust up hard inside her, and play with her clitoris and after a few more thrusts her walls begin to clench around him, and she moans his name over and over again. The feeling of her all around him, coupled with the moans and the sounds she's making pushes him over the edge and he comes with her name on his lips. She crashes onto his chest, like the waves outside crashing on the shore. He smiles to himself and pulls her in close, enjoying the warmth and comfort of her familiar body.

"Derek, that was amazing" she mumbles into his chest.  
He kisses her lightly on the top of her head.  
"It was" he murmurs to her.  
"That was…" she starts, and breaks off with a sigh. "I won't say how good it was again, or ego might get too big"  
He laughs softly.  
"I was thinking the same about you"

He gently cups her chin with his hand and tilts her head towards him for a tender kiss. She moves off his chest and lies down beside him.  
"What are you going to do about Meredith?" she asks, and her words bring him back to real life with a bump.  
"I guess I'll have to go to Seattle and end things"  
She nods her agreement.  
"She deserves to know the truth…When are you going back?"  
"Tomorrow, I have surgeries planned for the day after"  
She props her chin on her hands and turns to face him.  
"So I only get you for the night?"  
"Yeah, sorry" he says, feeling guilty that he couldn't get more time off.  
"It's okay" she says. "Just means we'll have to make these hours count"

She gives Derek a wink, and he gets the message as he pulls her close to him, determined to make the next few hours unforgettable.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Not mine

After they make love for a second time she takes him back down to the beach and they lie entwined with each other on a sun lounger as neither want to sleep. They talk to each other softly about cases, fond memories, and everything that they've been doing since they've been apart. As the sun starts to rise they both fall silent and watch as the dappled sun rays fall onto the surf and the sand.

"It's beautiful" Derek says softly, one hand absentmindedly stroking Addison's hair, the other splayed out on her right thigh.  
"It's a lovely perk of having a house on the beach" Addison says. "I used to wonder if you'd ever see this" she says quietly. He gently plants a kiss atop her forehead.  
"You don't have to wonder anymore"  
She angles her face up to the new-born rays.  
"No, I don't"

He leans in and finds her lips, kissing them deeply. She returns his kiss and they mesh together as if they're kissing for the first time. Derek reluctantly ends the kiss before its natural end.  
"I have to…" he says.  
"I know. Don't say it" she whispers into his mouth.  
"Okay, I won't say it" he whispers back.

They continue to kiss, the mouths sliding open slightly, allowing Derek's tongue to find, and intertwine with Addison's. She moans softly, as his hands move up and tangle into her hair. As they part he quietly says that he loves her. She looks at him, and he notices her eyes brimming with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Derek question, running his hand up and down her arm.  
"There's something we need to talk about, before you leave." She says, her voice cracking with emotion.  
"Addie you can talk to me about anything, you know that" he says, his face now serious, matching hers. She takes a deep breath and moves off the sun lounger, turning towards the ocean.  
"Do you know why I first came here?"  
"To get away from me, Mark, all the old ghosts…to start a new life….." his voice trails off, unsure what else she could of come here for.  
"That was part of it, yes" she says, still refusing to face him. He waits, knowing that she'll continue when she's ready. "The main reason was to see Naomi about…..about having a baby"

He's silent, taking in her words for a minute, until she finally turns to face him.  
"The problem is…..is that it doesn't look like that's going to happen….naturally. My FSH levels are only two"  
He stands up to face her, and takes her hands.  
"So it's not impossible. There's always hope"  
"Maybe" she says distantly. "There's always hope" she repeats. "Anyway" she continues, "I wanted to tell you, before you left to break up with Meredith"  
His face creases with confusion  
"But why?"  
Addison shakes off his hands and turns back to reface the ocean.  
"Because" her voice breaks. "If you want a family, you'd be better off staying with Meredith"  
"Hey, come here" his voice is understanding and quiet and she turns around slowly.  
"I wouldn't care if Meredith could give me ten children, I don't want her, I want you. Even if we can't have a family, I still want you. More than anything in the world. Plus, we both know that miracles can happen. We both make miracles happen every day."

Addison laughs softly.  
"Well it really would be a miracle"  
Derek puts his arms around her.  
"If anyone can make it happen it's you Addie"  
"And what if I can't…."  
Derek runs his hands up and down her sides.  
"There's always other options…we can explore all of this. Together."  
"Together"  
"Always together. From now on…Apart from…" He grimaces slightly as he thinks about the task in front of him. "Apart from I now have to leave for Seattle, break up with Meredith, cancel my surgeries and move my life up here"  
Addison eyes widen.  
"You're moving up here….now?"  
"Yes" he says tentatively. "Isn't that what you want?"  
"I do….I just don't want you to change your mind….I don't want you to go back and see Meredith and realise that you want to stay with her"  
"I won't….Addison what do I have to convince you that I'm genuine?"

Addison turns silent, moving away from Derek, tucking her legs underneath her and crossing her arms in an unconscious act of self-preservation. Derek notes this and silently wonders if he's pushed her before she was ready. He reaches out to her, trying to bridge the gap, trying to bridge the silence that's fallen over them like a shadow, falling over the sand.

"Addie please say something….tell me to go away….tell me to stay…shout if you want…just please….say something"

Addison lifts her head up and gazes up at the face of the man who'd brought her so much happiness over the years. But the pain was still raw within her…the pain he'd caused over the past year. Now, staring into his eyes she saw sheer honesty and openness. No sign of the resentment that had so often clouded his eyes when he had looked at her back in Seattle, and she knew that he was speaking the truth. She though carefully before speaking her words.

"You gave me another chance, even though it didn't work out…so yes..." her eyes glistened once more with tears but this time they were happy ones. "Go. Go to Seattle, pack everything…everything apart from that dam trailer and get back here as soon as possible"

She moved out of her position and hugged him fiercely, tears falling now. Tenderly Derek kisses away her tears and cups her face in his hands.  
"It's always been you Addison. I was crazy to think otherwise"


	7. Chapter 7

_Wow – I've been away from this fandom for about 3 years. I've really missed writing/reading Addison and Derek._

As Derek kisses away her tears she relaxes into his embrace.

"We still need to talk though, Derek." She says. "Where will you work? What are you going to do with your patients in Seattle? Richard's  _really_ going to be pissed with you, not to mention me"

"Sssh" he tilted her head up and captured her lips with his, a move from their past he always used to get her to calm down when she started to spin out of control.

"Don't" she mumbled against his lips. "Don't try to distract me." He ran his hands up to her hips, settling them on the curves of her waist.

"But distracting you is fun."

"I know…." She said, sighing as she pulled away from him. "It's just that…well…not to put too fine a point on it, but in the cold light of morning, things seem different"

He looked at her curiously.

"In what way?"

"The last few weeks, they've been such a whirlwind. Everything's just been so confusing and uncertain. I thought my brother was going to die….not that I didn't have faith in you, because I did." She adds quickly. "That whole Noah situation, that was a mess, all ridiculous and uncertain and now this!" She spread her hands out to symbolise him. "You make a complete 180 on me, you tell me you want to move here, and try again, and I want that Derek I really do but I can't have any uncertainty from you about this. I need you to dot the I's and cross the T's."

" _I need you to be a God, Derek"_

She had a similar look in her eyes back then, he thought, that rarely shown vulnerable side of her, all walls down, an open book. He could never resist her when she was vulnerable, the need to comfort and protect her too great. It was whilst she was pleading with him to save Archer's life that he felt that old familiar pull towards her. The need to save Archer's life wasn't just because it was an amazing surgical opportunity or even because he liked Archer all that much, he did it purely for Addison, so that she wouldn't loose the only member of her family that actually treated her like a human being. He knew that if she lost Archer, that it would break her in such a way that it would never mend. He saved Archer  _for her_  and he knew he would do it a million times over if it would save her from pain.

"Derek?" she says tentatively. Behind her, he sees the sun rise above the sea.

"Jen Harmon" he say's softly. "Jen Harmon and Archer."

Addison stayed silent, knowing how much the former case had hurt him, still recent and raw in his memory. "They were both very uncertain surgeries. I know that, in the end Jen didn't make it and I….I beat myself up about that."

Addison watched as his eyes misted slightly, and she manoeuvred her body so that she sat between his legs, her head resting on his chest. He placed his arms over her shoulder and gripped her hands.

"It really is beautiful here" he said, absentmindedly. Addison waited for him to continue as they both watched the sun ascend up the horizon.

"Both of those surgeries and the outcomes, they were both uncertain. What I asked you to do for Jen, when you stood there rambling on about that disastrous hot dog Thanksgiving you were uncertain, but you did it anyway and it worked."

" _Who's the hero now."_

"With Archer, I wasn't certain, but I did it. You gave me my certainty. Addie, I don't have a plan for this, for us, and neither do you but we both know that even when you have the most thought out plan, things can go wrong." He bent down slightly to kiss her cheek. "This is uncertain, but I know that between the two of us, like Archer and Jen, we can do this." He paused to lift his arm from around her and threaded it loosely through her hair.

"There was no one else I could have called upon for Jen, and there was no one else you could have for Archer. That…that means something to me."

Addison stared out into the sunrise, listening to him speak honestly and from the heart. It reminded her of their life back in New York, before Mark, before the cyclone of mess that had come after. They would sit on their couch, and discuss the nuances of surgeries, their personal passes or fails. They went through it all together. Classes, study sessions, internships, residency, passing the boards, solo surgery. It scared her sometimes to realise that they'd spent nearly their whole lives together. They had become world class together.

" _We became brilliant, and then we got busy."_

As if reading her thoughts he tightened his grip on her slightly and bent down to whisper in her ear.

"We were world class together. We can continue that here." Kissing the nape of her neck he spoke again. "Jump into the uncertainty with me Addison." Trying to ignore the flutter of arousal inside of her at his ministrations at her neck she managed to push him away slightly.

"You talk about Jen Harmon, and Seattle, and I need to know. Are you running away Derek? Life in Seattle, Meredith, it all gets difficult so you run here on a whim, trying to pick up a different life…am I just your safety net?"

"No" he says, picking up her left hand and bringing it to his face to kiss her finger where once her rings had sat. It was strange for him to see her without them. Stranger even more so to feel her left hand without the cool bands pressing into his.

" _It's about the ring, Derek"_

"No. The exact opposite.  _Meredith_ was my safety net. My rebound. Like Mark was for you."

"Okay" she pushed her fingers through her hair. "So you decide to fly across the country, just in the hope of winning me back?"

Derek smiled. "Isn't that exactly what you did to me in Seattle?"

"I was primarily there for work."

"How convenient"

" _Yes, I came all this way to get drunk and remissness over old wedding photos."_

"Richard asked me there for work."

"Yes, and he knew exactly what he was doing."

Derek saw her face drop at the memories of her time at Seattle Grace and he turned her around in his lap and lifted her chin up with his fingers.

"You came to fight for me; I didn't fight hard enough back then. I'm fighting now Addison. I'm fighting for us."

Reaching down he kissed her deeply.

"I'm fighting now, Addison."

She smiled up at him, despite feeling ready to droop off to sleep any moment, exhausted by the emotional conversations. He saw her eyes go and turned her back so that she was against his chest. They sat quietly after that, emotions laid bare for the first time in years, just absorbing each other. After ten minutes Derek felt Addison sag slightly against him. Reaching down and swiping her hair from her face he found her eyes closed, and peaceful in sleep. Adjusting his pose slightly he gently removed his grip from her and scooped her up into her arms. He carried her upstairs to her bedroom, slipping her beneath her sheets.

Checking his watch he frowned. Finding a sheet of paper he hastily scribbled Addison a note before heading of to the airport.

"I'm going to dot the I's and cross the T's for you. Will you leap with me Addison into the uncertainty together? No safety nets this time"

_I know that was short, largely conversational and didn't really move the story on but I really wanted to explore an introspective on why Derek realised he belonged with Addison. I also wanted to test the Addek waters, having been away from the fandom, I have no idea if there's still an audience for this. Please review and let me know._

_I'm really hoping there is, as I have another 2 chapters planned for this already and a few new angsty one-shots. Let me know!_


	8. Chapter 8

Addison rolled over in bed half asleep, reaching for Derek’s familiar shape and coming up short. The last thing she remembered was been held by him on the beach, and now she was waking up alone. She briefly wondered if it had all just been a dream, but as she moved over to the empty side of the bed her hand brushed against a small piece of paper. Opening it up she instantly recognised Derek’s familiar scrawl. She always used to tell him that he was meant to be a doctor, as he had the handwriting to go with it. She smiled at the memory before half sitting up in bed, somewhat nervous about what the note might say. She’d woken up to notes so many times back in New York. For years the cancellation notes were cute, with little hand drawn sad faces at the end and peppered with X’s and O’s.

_I’m sorry Addie I can’t make breakfast. Love you so much, Derek,  xoxoxo_

_Lunch is cancelled, sorry honey. Love you, your loving husband Derek, xoxoxox._

Of course she’d also left her fair share of them, there busy schedules and emergency surgeries taking unfortunate precedence over their marriage. Only one thing she had noticed about his over the years was that the notes got shorter and less cute, in the months before Mark they had culminated into ones that simply used initials instead of names, and one X. Sometimes.

_A, won’t be back until late. D_

Reading the note, however she quickly realised this was nothing like the later notes from their past. Smiling, she moved over to the side of the bed where he had laid, feeling that there were still grains of sand embedded between the sheets from their earlier encounter on the beach. Her hair and skin still smelled salty from the sea air and, noting that Derek hadn’t the time for a shower this morning, wondered if he still too had salt on his skin. Rolling back over in bed she reached for her phone on her bedside table. Flipping it open she typed out a text.

 _Yes, we leap. Love_ _Addison_ _. Xoxo_

Derek felt his phone vibrate against his thigh as he half dozed on the plane. He pulled it out of his pocket, hoping it wasn’t another questioning message from Meredith. He wasn’t surprised by the slew of them, but at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to answer them.

  _Derek, where are you? I understand that you might need some space right now but we haven’t spoken properly since the ring incident…please call me._

He opened his eyes to see the air hostess manoeuvring her trolley down the aisle.  He ordered a scotch, even though it was only mid morning. As he sat at nursed it, he closed his eyes again. That damm ring, he thought. Admittedly, hitting it into the woods that night wasn’t one of his finest moments. He winced inwardly as he remembered the sound it made. Metal on a wooden bat and the sound of Meredith’s car leaving at his shouted request. Strangely though, as he watched the gilt of the diamond fly out into the twilight and heard her car retreating down the lane he felt some of his frustrations leave him. The coincidence and irony that Addison, his ex-wife had called him, needing him at the moment he was due to propose wasn’t lost on him. The truth was that once Addie had showed up, the planned proposal got pushed so far into the recess of his brain that even he, as a gifted neurosurgeon would struggle to find it. As he read the text from Addison he couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. He could still smell the salt on his skin, and, leaning back in his seat he closed his eyes and pictured the beach in LA, him and Addison entwined with each other on a sun lounger, drinking wine and talking quietly to one another whilst watching the sunset. It helped to quell the trepidation in his mind about the tasks ahead of him in Seattle. Although he knew in his heart that he no longer loved or wanted to be with Meredith he still didn’t want to hurt her.

Richard was another person that he didn’t want to hurt, although he would be more disappointed and pissed off rather than hurt. All that he had seemed to do since New York was hurt people. Addison and Mark had hurt him, he had hurt Meredith when Addie had come back, then he in turn had hurt Addison with his indiscretion at the prom. It was all just a horrific circle of betrayal, loss, and pain. He had moved to Seattle for a fresh start, and the circle had only grown and continued to cause pain. Leaving Seattle and fully burying the cluttered and painful past and starting afresh with Addison was all he wanted to do. It’s what they should have done from the start.

_“I don’t know what the third option is……”_

That should have been the third option. Drinking down his scotch he leaned back and closed his eyes again, determined to at least get a couple of hours of sleep and too turn his mind even if only just for a short time before he did the final bout of hurting, and the circle was closed for good.

A few hours and considerably a lot later then she had originally planned Addison arrived in the clinic. Casually strolling into the kitchen in what she hoped was a breezy fashion she wished a “morning” to Violet and Naomi who were discussing one of their latest cases. Naomi made a point of checking her watch.

“Addison it’s one in the afternoon.”

“Well I didn’t have any urgent appointments” she replied going to the fridge and fetching out a fresh bottle of her green juice. Popping the top off she shrugged at her friends, who were still giving her questioning looks “And….I didn’t go to sleep until about 6 this morning.” Violet studied her.

“Okay what’s going on?”

“Nothing!” she protested, taking a long drink of her juice to stall for time. When they still let up on their questioning gazes she caved. “Okay, well….Derek’s back. He came to see me last night, one thing to lead to another…but!” she hastily said seeing her friend’s shocked faces “we stayed up all night talking, and he’s decided to move her and we’re going to try again.”

“I don’t understand” Naomi looked up at Addison perplexed. Addison smiled softly to herself.

“What’s to understand?”

  Her friend held up her index finger pointedly. “One. You separated, and not just separated but you divorced. Actual divorce. You became Ms” she emphasised the letters “Addison Montgomery, not Shepherd. There is no ‘Shepherd’ at the end of your name”

“Nae I think I know my own name.”

Naomi ignored her and carried on.

“Two, you left Seattle. You left him and, and all those ghosts behind.  Three, he left you for another woman. Four….”

Addison cut her off.

“Don’t say it. Don’t bring him into this. He has nothing to do with this.”

“Sorry Addison but I can’t not bring him up. You slept with Mark and Derek left you for another woman.”

“That’s called making mistakes, Naomi. You’ve made a few of them yourself. Or do I have to remind you that it wasn’t that long ago you were sleeping with Sam? Not to mention that you’re also involved with a cheating commitment phobic arrogant ass”

“That’s your brother you’re trashing.”

“Yes, he my brother and I love him dearly, but he’s an ass! And definitely not someone you should be involved with.”   

Naomi looked down into her coffee cup guiltily.

“Okay you’re correct about that. Look, I love you both you know that, which is why I don’t want to see you getting hurt again, or rushing into anything. I know that this whole thing with Archer has stirred up a lot of old emotions.”

“This has nothing to do with old emotions! We’ve reconnected, talked things through, and why am I justifying myself to you! Miranda told me that you referred to yourself as both Archer’s girlfriend and Sam’s wife!”

Naomi nodded slowly.

“That was a mistake.”

“That was. This isn’t. You have made mistakes, and this might be one, but I deserve the chance to find that out by myself. He’s serious about staying here, so serious in fact that I’m considering having him work here in the practice, with surgical privileges at St Ambrose.”     

Violet piped up “I think you both need some counselling before you make this move, how about you both come in to see me, together.” Gently she continued. “Addison, I’m with Naomi, we will support you on this, but just take a step back, consider what you are doing, and come and talk to me.”

Addison nodded at her friends as they exited the kitchen, sighing deeply as she sat down on one of the stools. ‘Well that could have gone better’ she thought. Drumming her fingers on the kitchen table she wondered how Derek was getting on with telling everyone in Seattle.

_Lying in the hospital bed, he realised that he was unable to move, but yet he was able to hear the discussion around him._

_“I’m sorry Dr Grey” he heard an unfamiliar voice say. “There’s nothing else we can do for him. Do you want to call anyone? We can keep him on life support while we wait for his family to arrive.”_

_“No” he heard Meredith say. “I think it’s best if we just let him go.”_

_“No!” he thought. “Why aren’t you calling my family? I always said that I wanted my Mom and four sisters here with me?”_

_His thoughts were dulled by the long continuous beep of the machines as they were switched off one by one._

_He heard Meredith’s voice again._

_“Just go Derek, just go.”_

_As he felt his life begin to ebb away from him he screamed his thoughts in his mind._

_“Meredith, no! This isn’t how I wanted it to end! Meredith!”_

He sat up in his plane seat shaking by the images he had just seen in his dream. The pictures were so vivid he failed to notice the flight attendant beside him.

“Sir, we’re about to land.” She took note of his shaky hands and pale face. “Is everything okay sir?” she asked.

Derek managed to nod.

“Yes, I’ve just seen what will happen if I stay with someone. It doesn’t end well.” 

 

**If you enjoy this and want more - Please hit that review button, it means the world to me.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Apologies for the wait for this update. I'm trying something new with the words prefacing the different 'scenes' of the story...hope it makes sense.**

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**Ouro•bo•ses**

Richard sat at his desk, staring at the piece of paper that was in front of him. He'd been doing it for so long that the words had become fuzzy and had started to swim around on the page. Staring at it was a fruitless exercise. It didn't matter how often he half closed his eyes and allowed the words to blur and shift into discombobulated shapes, they still refused to move themselves into an order that he would be pleased with. The crux of the letter was simple enough. He'd been looking at it for so long that he could recite the sentences off by heart.

_I have been instructed by my client, Mr Harmon to start court proceedings against Dr Derek Shepherd, in the charge of medical negligence relating to the death of his wife, Mrs Jennifer Harmon._

Of course he knew that all Doctors get sued at some point of their career, and that usually it wasn't a major deal. Part with some money, settle out of court. But this case, Richard knew, was different. Derek had made a mistake, a simple mistake, which on it's own in different circumstances may not have been so bad, but in this case it was a catalyst that turned a unfortunate situation into a catastrophic sequence of events. The nicked brain aneurysm, the mirroring, Addison doing all she could to save the baby. The whole thing was a house of cards, with Derek in the middle of it, shaking and threatening to bring the whole thing down. And he did. It reminded Richard of the Ouroboses, the symbol of the serpent eating its own tail. Creation out of destruction. Life out of death. Eventually it had come for Jen Harmon. She died whilst her baby lived.

_Life out of death._

Everything anyone did just before Jen died was akin to putting a band aid on a bullet hole. Having a showdown with Addison twice, punching Mark, retreating to his trailer and drinking, coming back to work briefly only to disappear off for a few days. It concerned him that not even Meredith knew where he was. Lost in his thoughts, he barely heard the knock on his door. A tentative voice saying his name pulled him back into the world and suddenly, the man who he's been so concerned about has materialised in front of his eyes.

"Derek" he says, relief evident in his voice, and then as quickly as the wind might change, the relief turned to anger as he spoke his next sentence.

"Where the hell have you been?"

**Da•ma•ges**

_There was a truck. He can see it now in his dream; that was the difference in the earlier dream then to this one. There was a truck. But why was he in the middle of the highway? The end to the dream ended the same as it did last time, in his head begging Meredith for his family but just the long constant beep that signalled his death came through, and her actions, standing out against his wishes._

As the beep ended he jolted awake and shook his head in an attempt to free his head from the images that seemed to be plaguing him. Rolling onto his back he stared up at the skylight, listening to the smattering of rain bouncing off of the glass. It used to bring him comfort. Meredith and Seattle used to bring him comfort, and he felt a tug at his heart as he realised how much he didn't want to be here anymore. He missed the beach, the sunny climate, and he missed Addison. The trailer that once felt so freeing now felt claustrophobic, the walls seemingly cloying in on him. Sighing heavily he manoeuvred out of bed, showered, dressed and drove to the hospital. As soon as he entered he felt everyone's eyes swivel towards him, and he could hear their whispering.

" _That's him, the surgeon who lost it…He punched Dr Sloan you know…..he's completely gone off the rails…wonder if Dr Grey knows he's back…why is he back now?"_

He walked up to Richard's office, dodging the stares and whispered remarks. Knocking on the door, he steeled himself for the first conversation of the day that he was dreading.

It was time for the damage to begin.

**Cen•tered**

"Charlotte!" Dr King turned in the corridor to see Addison striding quickly towards her.

"Montgomery, nice to have you back with us! How are your brother's brain worms?" Addison couldn't help but roll her eyes at Charlotte's typical bluntness.

"The  _parasites"_  She emphasized the word "Are gone, thankfully. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Charlotte stopped walking and turned to face Addison with a confused look on her face.

"Well, unless the parasites have somehow wriggled down to his junk, there's not a whole lot I can do." Addison grimaced at the imagery.

"Ew, that's still my brother you know…..but, no, nothing like that. Derek Shepherd."

Charlotte's eyes widened.

"The ex?"

"Yes, well no…actually. Not now."

"What on earth happened in Seattle Montgomery?"

"Actually it all happened here, after Seattle. Look, that's not important right now."

"The hell it isn't! This is the juiciest thing I think you've ever told me!"

Addison pressed her fingers to her temples. "Charlotte, focus." She watched as her colleague rolled her eyes.

"Fine."

"Derek is looking to move here, hopefully…and he'll need somewhere to work…." Charlotte interrupted her.

"A world class neurosurgeon on my service? That is something I would be very interested in. Doesn't Naomi want to recruit him for her hippy "all wellness, all together" holistic group?"

"Well, fortunately for you, neurological conditions don't tend to go away after a session with Violet or a holistic practice from Pete. That's not to say we won't utilise him in the clinic if necessary, but he'll obviously need to perform surgery." She watched as Charlotte nodded.

"This could really work, coupled with you…in a surgical way" she hasted to add. "Whatever the two of you are planning to do together in your personal lives is none of my business. Although I'd like it to be" she said with a smirk. "But the two of you, both world class in your field, would be a big boost for St Ambrose, not to mention the fact that it will get a few people's backs up."

" _Wow, look at you two. Everybody must hate you…."_

" _Aah you have no idea…."_

"So that's a yes?"

"Addison, you're one of my stars, if you can bring another one in, we'll definitely want them on board."

"And you'll owe me one right?"

"I think I'll owe you  _several_ one's."

"Good, because while all this is going on with Derek; I need to refocus, and not concentrate on him, or what might be happening in Seattle. I need to cut. I need to be centered."

" _Put a scalpel in my hand and I'm centered."_

"Done" They walked a short distance to the Nurse's station, Charlotte, turning behind her rummaged through a stack of patient charts before selecting a few and handing them to Addison. "Take your pick. Just let me know when you have news for me."

As she walked off Addison breathed a sigh of relief, glad that she was able to deflect some of the more personal questions, and also that she would be able to switch her Derek focused mind onto something else for the afternoon, and not think about what might be happening in Seattle.

**Cer•tain•ty**

Knocking on the door, his stomach churned slightly. There was no answer to his tapped request to come in, so he pushed the door ajar and peered into the gap. He saw his past mentor and present boss, sat at his desk, head bowed over some papers.

"Richard?" Upon hearing Derek's voice his head snapped up.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Derek stood by the door, hovering slightly. "Just come in and take a seat." Richard said, clearly irritable. Derek did as told, sitting down into one of the deep set leather chairs that sat parallel to the desk. Richard remained standing, glowering down on him. Derek flexed his fingers, still feeling slight bruising from where he had punched Mark. He winced at both the memory and the jarring of pain. It didn't go unnoticed.

"Feeling guilty about your recent behaviour?"

"Yes. But not for the reasons you think"

Richard sank down in his seat.

"Derek where the hell were you."

"I was with Addison." He replied, unconsciously touching the space on his ring finger where his wedding band had sat. He hadn't worn it since that fateful day.

" _He was just here!"_

He'd taken the band off his finger in the car, tossed it somewhere unknown into the dark night. He looked up to see Richard still staring down at him.

"Seriously Derek, where were you?"

"I was with Addison" he repeated. "At her house in LA." He couldn't read Richard's face. "Call her if you don't believe me" he said with a shrug.

"And what exactly were the two of you doing? Surfing? Walking hand in hand on the beach? Don't tell me you were seeing patients at that holistic seaside hippy place of hers!"

"No, I wasn't there for work" Derek said, in measured tones. "It was purely personal."

Richard spread his hands out in confusion.

"Derek, what are you trying to tell me here? I sense there's more to this than just a pleasant conversation between the two of you."

"Richard, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. Addison and I…..we are going to give it another go, and I've decided to move to LA to be with her."

He spoke in decisive tones, looking Richard squarely in the eye, and he watched as his past mentor and friend put his head in his hands and slowly shook it back and forth.

"I don't believe what I'm hearing here. First my best neo natal surgeon leaves, and now you want to leave everything and everyone here…to….to what?"

"To do what I should have done years ago when Addison first came to Seattle. I'm going to fight for us."

" _I want you to care!"_

"Derek, you know how I feel about the two of you, I love you both you know that. But times passed, you've both been with different people…you'll be moving halfway across the country where you don't really know anyone." He looked at Derek, expecting him to be cross or annoyed by his words, but to his surprise, he was smiling. "Well I'm so glad that this situation amuses you."

"It doesn't. It's just that everything you just said are reasons as to why I think this can work this time around, and not reasons against it. Perhaps if we had tried to work things out somewhere else, without Mark or Meredith and we had actually talked everything through properly, the situation would have been different. You tried with Adele didn't you? After the affair with Ellis? And you  _loved_  Ellis."

"I did try, we  _both_ tried. It was hard though Derek, really hard."

"But ultimately worth it?"

Richard's eyes fell on a framed photo of himself and Adele that sat on his desk.

"Yes." He said softly. "It was. I just need to know…..this…this isn't a knee jerk reaction to the situations that occurred here a few weeks ago. I know you had a difficult time with one of your patients, and then the proposal going wrong."

"It didn't go wrong; I just didn't go through with it because Addie called."

" _Derek…..I need you."_

"I'm not running away. This is more about Archer then it is about the Harmon's." Richard looked confused.

"I thought you couldn't stand Archer?"

"I can't! That's my point really. I can't stand him, and yet, when I was about to start his surgery, I looked up at the gallery and saw Addison watching me. When I looked into her eyes, and saw all the fear there, I knew….I knew that I would do whatever it took to save Archer and to take that fear away. I can't say that I feel that way about Meredith, that I would do anything for her to not feel fear, or hurt….in fact, I seem to be adding to it. Addison kept me grounded throughout the whole Harmon ordeal, and even when she couldn't at the end she did what was necessary. Meredith was too focused on the proposal over those few days. She doesn't anchor me like Addie does. " He looked down at his hands, feeling slightly embarrassed upon revealing so much information. Richard nodded.

"I do understand, I do…..but what  _are_ you going to do about Meredith?"

"I'm going to talk to her, and be honest about the situation….Look Richard; I need to talk to her before I do anything else. I know we still have a lot to discuss in terms of my resignation and patients here, and I plan to leave as soon as I can. Out of respect for you and this hospital I came to you first." He rose from his chair and Richard nodded.

"I appreciate that Dr Shepherd." Rising from his chair also he offered his hand out which Derek shook. "Once you talk to Meredith I want you back in here okay." Derek nodded. "And when you speak to Addison, send her my love okay."

"I will do."

As he watched Derek leave his office he sank back down into his chair, his mind whirling with what had just been disclosed to him, and amidst all that had gone on he failed to realise that the solicitors letter still remained on his desk, and he hadn't informed Derek of the contents.

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